I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
