it was like eating out sand paper
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
