So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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