This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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