i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
