I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
