i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize