So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
