Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
