just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
