Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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