Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
