i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
