For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
