he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
