3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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