So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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