oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
