He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
