Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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