apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
