so that wasnt chicken after all
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
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Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
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We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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