my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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