you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
