Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
