Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
