Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just google imaged poop.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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