Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My bed smells like the plague
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
