Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
