Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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