That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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