honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
