I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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