my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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