So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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