If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
