so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
