Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
