so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
