I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
