So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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