which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
