I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
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I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
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All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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