Already got asked if we're dating
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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