I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
