I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
