I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
no you cant smoke seaweed
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
