someone get that fucking seahorse.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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