I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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