Just took my morning after pill in the library
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
