I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
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hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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