i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
