3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
