That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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