He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
