I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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