just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
