4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
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I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.