I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program