I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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