you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I love having hate sex.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.