you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
