non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
