"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
