Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
