he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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