when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
