There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
