dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
