Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
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He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
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Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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