All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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