This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
